Is it possible for Alyssa Milano to try any harder to look like Anne Hathaway?!
Del Monte take note.
I’ve always had dogs in my life. From the time I was born, until today, I’ve never been without a canine companion. I’ve watched them; I’ve learned from them. I know what they like and what they don’t like. I therefore consider myself an expert on canine behavior and preferences.
While browsing through the virtual endless selections of dog food at my local supermarket, I became discouraged. Sure, “Brand X” has all the nutrients that are good for my dogs, but I know they won’t eat “Brand X”. “Brand Z” was developed using some scientific garbage, and since my dogs aren’t scientists, they don’t care. So, I thought to myself… what are the things MY dogs have always enjoyed eating?
Then it came to me – I knew the answer! Actually, I’ve always known the answer… or at least since I was six years old.
I present to you – the dog food every canine wants:
Kibbles ‘n Bits ‘n Barbie Shoes!
In no particular order:
10. Oatmeal for Thanksgiving Dinner.
9. Teaching the world to sing in perfect harmony.
8. Save the Mosquitos! Campaign.
7. Bringing back public flogging.
6. Dessert recipes featuring SPAM®.
5. The Man Purse.
4. Inflatable Dartboards.
3. The Secret.
2. Lawn Jockeys.
1. Family Reunions.
All right, did anyone actually READ the article noted below, because what it really says, beyond the sensationalizing headline is: exercise won’t necessarily make you thin – because – when you exercise you get hungry and think it’s okay to PIG OUT afterward, or to drink sugary beverages while you exercise, giving you a net calorie loss of zip, zilch, zero.
Here’s the real truth according to what I’ve lived, learned and observed:
Most people lie about what they really eat and how much exercise they get, to everyone who asks AND, more importantly, to themselves. Have you ever done a food diary and figured out what you’re actually eating, and just how close you are (or are not) to consuming the number of calories you need to merely maintain your current weight? My lord, you’ll be shocked, truly shocked at how many calories you’re really consuming. I pride myself on eating well and being fairly active, and I’m nowhere close to burning off the number of calories I take in, NO WHERE CLOSE. I’m consuming a lot of calories, absolutely shed-loads of calories; way more calories than I need to fuel my body’s basic activities, like breathing and pumping my blood, or propelling me from car to my chair at work and from my work chair back to my car and from car to couch.
From what I’ve seen, a lot of people just don’t work hard enough when they do exercise to achieve substantial calorie burn; compounding the problem, they do a lackluster workout where they don’t push themselves and barely break a sweat, that burns say 150 calories tops, then reward themselves with 500 calories of wine and dessert because they “worked out.” Have you ever computed how long you’d have to work out walking on a treadmill to offset the calories from a piece of cheesecake? Okay people, go use those internet calculators to do the math and you’ll see why exercising isn’t making you lose weight – because you EAT MORE CALORIES than you can possibly burn off with those tepid attempts to move your sorry carcass around.
Deep down inside we all know it. We know that the “science” of our forebears, or the “science” of “brown fat” doesn’t really factor in if we sit all day in front a computer, then retire to the sofa for a night of television, bending over twice in twenty-four hours, once to feed our porcine pets, then again to lift our pants up around our bulging waists.
Hey, my jeans are so tight they leave an impression of each and every seam and stitch on my doughy belly fat; I love to suck down sugary Gatorade while I coast my bike down a hill; I don’t work out that hard because it makes me feel like I’m going to barf up the nachos I had for lunch; and I sit all day and all night on my ever-expanding behind. And I know precisely why I don’t lose weight: because I’m eating more calories than I’m burning off, day in and day out, which makes weight creep on ever so s-l-o-w-l-y, slow enough that I can pretend I didn’t have anything to do with it, and that it’s my brown fat’s fault, or my genes, or my ancestors, and that, uhuh, yup, exercise is a sham.
All of our self delusions aside, the point of exercise is to maintain cardiovascular health (so you don’t faint if you have carry your niece past a scary dog); improve strength (so you can push your own couch around when you need to feng shui your living room) and flexibility (so you don’t pull a muscle when you try to bend down and pick up the 940-calorie plastic-wrapped Costco muffin that rolled under your car seat).
We’re a sad, frustrated, angry lot of nearly immobile people constantly exposed to the siren song of more. It’s time to tell “science” to shove it and move for the joy of moving. Move because you can. Move in any way you can. Get up, get up, get up, get up! Just don’t head straight for the refrigerator
So the AP is reporting that “Cocaine contributed to Billy Mays’ death”…
It turns out that the medical examiner “concluded that cocaine use caused or contributed to the development of his heart disease, and thereby contributed to his death”.
Which makes his passing doubly sad, or at least it does for me. As I’ve said before, I love infomercials. And while Billy Mays’ were pretty much limited to 60-second commercial spots, he managed to get a lot of information and enthusiasm into his sales pitch.
Still… he was an icon. There will never be a pitchman that will quite live up to his boisterous energy (and I don’t care if it was “induced” or not).
From Orange Glo to OxiClean to Mighty Putty… I’ll still remember him fondly.
- boots, the infomericalaholic
Ok, I am so not in touch with any of those very nice kitchen ideal items of great splendor. I did get one of my dearest wishes as the local tomboy and had my very own Mattel plainsman gun n holster set. Complete I might add with bullets that would shoot plastic tips that you could snap into real-like bullet casings. Not to be too braggy but you also could put “greenie stick em caps” onto the bottom of the shell casing. And voila!, you had one of the most dangerous toys of our age…projectiles and explosives! Now I wouldn’t let any child or adult have one of these…lol… well maybe the holster, it was real cowhide! Roy and Dale would be proud, yipee kiyeah… well you know the rest….
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