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From my new series, “I Refuse to Age Gracefully”…
Here’s what I’m shopping for today: Coccyx cushions. My ass hurts, ’cause I sit on it too much. So rather than get off my sore ass, I’m looking for a cushion that will allow me to keep sitting on that ever-widening part of my body.
Getting older sucks. I’m thinking of wrapping what’s left of my betraying body in foam insulation.
I found a store not too far from here that sells them (and other “aging gracefully” accoutrements), so that’s where I’m headed as soon as I get off my rear.
I wonder if they have a GameStop near there? I’ve been wanting to go by GameStop for a while.
I’m at an awkward age… GameStop and Ass Pillows.
by Gayle Mitchell
Special to Bingo Bugle
“I Won the Jackpot” is the sound of dreams coming true. With the ever-increasing progressive jackpots offered by casinos, the Big Hits are what we seek. This report details four of these winning stories from the lucky winners. It is interesting that the first two winning tales occurred on different dates, different slot machines at casinos far apart, yet both are almost equal in winnings. Curious, yes? Enjoy your read.
1) Super Wedding to Come
Colin Savage of Lowestoft England was visiting Vegas for the first time with his fiancée, Tina French and made stop at the Bellagio Casino. He chose a Quartermillion$ progressive that was soon to pay out $596,149. “I put $100 in the machine, but only planned on playing $20,” said Savage. “We are going to pay off the mortgage and then have a fantastic wedding. “This still has not sunk in. It’s truly unbelievable.”
2) Locked in a Win
Jane Schwaegerl, a nurse from LaCross, WI, related her winning strategy after hitting a $595,109 Wheel of Fortune MegaJackpot at a dollar machine. “If I am successful on other machines, I try the 3X slot to see if I can win more and this time it worked. It was unreal.” “I realized that the other machines scrolling numbers had changed and my machine locked on the winning amount.” Schwaegerl had played about $100 at the Majestic Pines Casino in Black River Falls, WI. There will definitely be presents for the grandchildren and Jane plans to invest the rest.
3) A Rewarding Detour
Sharon Haggard, 54, of Oakdale, CA is a legal assistant who stopped in Reno with her sister during a road trip. Upon arrival at the Grand Sierra Casino, a 50-cent Wheel of Fortune progressive was selected along with a wager of $100. The casino is a favorite stop for Haggard and her husband who compete for slot winnings. It will be difficult for her hubby to top Sharon’s Megajackpot win of $1,595,843. As she stated, “Mama’s got her mojo back.” The future does not include retirement for the new millionaire, but assisting her mother, son and daughter is a definite plan.
4) She Returned to the Wheel
The anonymous winner from Las Vegas explained her huge payday of $6,978,753. this way, “I had decided to walk away from the machine, but after a while, I opted to come back and play one more time. That was the best decision I every made. This is a dream come true.” Before walking away, she had asked a man at the Orleans Casino in Vegas sitting next to her how she would know if she won the jackpot. “He told me to keep an eye on the middle line and watch for five Wheel of Fortune signs all lined up in a row,” said the 52-year-old Korean native. Future plans include paying off her car and house, helping her children-grandchildren and donating to her church.
San Manuel Indian Bingo & Casino made this HILARIOUS video, where men are dressed as Bingo Balls and have a wild night on the town! Check it out:
The guys at Blendtec are amazingly cool. If you haven’t seen their videos on YouTube, it’s certainly worth a visit:
Their latest video places me in a bit of a dilemma, though. Part of me would like to own an iPad (starting at $499), but after viewing the video, I’m thinking my money might be better spent on one of their amazing Blendtec blenders ($399.95 + s&h). What’s a girl to do?
Did you ever notice that YOUR taste in music is awesome, yet everyone else’s stinks?
Cartoons are wasted on kids. They don’t understand the subtle humor. Spongebob had a “Zippy the Pinhead” reference in one of their episodes. What “kid” under 30 even gets that?
Censorship is &*#@ing wrong.
Never drink orange juice after brushing your teeth.
I went to a Madonna concert in the 80s. I only remember two things: I wore earplugs the entire time, and she sweated a lot. At least with the earplugs in, I could actually hear the music.
Why is History much more interesting AFTER you’ve finished high school and college?
“Sporks” work great on things you would eat with a fork… they’re not so effective on things you would eat with a spoon. The chicken noodle soup experiment was messy.
Cell phone contracts are a rip-off. I spend $80 a year on my cell phone. A YEAR. Of course, it helps if no one wants to talk to you.
I sometimes think I’m a little bit psychic. I also kinda knew I was gonna type that.
I think more meals should include garlic toast.
I can still “feel” the hat on my head long after I’ve taken it off.
I never seem to remember to buy kleenex. So whenever I’m sick, and someone stops by the house, I usually feel embarrassed lugging a roll of toilet paper with me.
If you ever have the opportunity to travel back in time, make sure you Google some winning lottery numbers first. If you ever get the chance to travel to the future, before you come back… well, you know the drill.
As stated before, I have a fondness for infomercials and those $19.99 + S&H commercials. Parodies of them are even better — if done well, like this one:
BBC News online is reporting that two Bangladeshi newspapers have had to apologize after running an article taken from The Onion (a satirical US “news” website) claiming that the 1969 Apollo 11 Moon Landing was faked.
Apparently, the two newspapers, The Daily Manab Zamin and the New Nation were unaware that The Onion is not a genuine news website. The Daily Manab Zamin ran the story first, and it was later picked up by the New Nation.
Bless their hearts. I’m sure we’ve all either been in their shoes, or known someone who has. The Onion has a knack for creating “news” stories that often sound very plausible.
Most people have their usual “Lucky” number (mine is 8, but I’ll go with 4 or 9 in a pinch). Your average Bingo player usually has a few of their own. Some players might consider B-11 or O-69 their “Lucky” number, and will try to find bingo cards that have them — even better if that number is in a corner! Other bingo players might use their date of birth as their “Lucky” numbers. However chosen, I’m pretty sure that most of us do have our “Lucky” numbers.
I also have what I consider my “Unlucky” numbers. I don’t care for the number 6 (though I won’t go out of my way to avoid it) and after one ill-fated bingo game, I have a small measure of disdain for G-55.
Let’s look at some “Unlucky” numbers and see how they came to be…
I think we’re all familiar with the “Unlucky” number 13. Did you know there is a big, fancy-schmancy word for people who are afraid of the number 13? It’s called Triskaidekaphobia. Now, if you’re only afraid of Friday the 13th, then you get two whoppin’ big word choices: paraskevidekatriaphobia or friggatriskaidekaphobia. I can’t pronounce them, but any of those three words will certainly get ya a bucketload of Scrabble points.
In several Asian countries, the number 4 is considered unlucky. This is called tetraphobia. It’s not unusual to find a building that doesn’t have a 4th floor, so to speak (they skip from 3 to 5). The reason for this is that in certain Asian dialects, the pronunciation of the number 4 is phonetically similar to the word for “death”. Okay, if our numbers sounded like “one, two, three, DEATH, five…”, I could totally get behind some tetraphobia myself.
In Italy, number 17 wins the unlucky number lotto. If you write out number 17 in Roman numerals, it reads as XVII. After a quick rearrangement, a la Soul Train, you get “VIXI”. Vixi in Latin means “I have lived” (past tense), which also translates as “I’m dead”.
Number 3 gets a bit of the good luck, and a bit of the bad luck vibes. In some Asian countries, the word for 3 sounds remarkably similar to the word for “alive”, and is therefore considered a LUCKY number. However, in Vietnam it’s considered BAD luck to have a photo taken with 3 people in it. Also, I’m sure most of us are familiar with the negative stigma placed on the number 3, such as “bad things come in threes” and “deaths come in threes”.
Number 5: In Cantonese, the word for 5 sounds like the word for “not”. When a 5 appears in front of another number (such as 57 or 543), that number becomes an “unlucky” number. So, I guess my G-55 gets a double-whammy there.
In Japan, the number 9 sounds like the word for “pain” or “distress”, and is often considered unlucky. It’s funny… if you go by that sort of logic, you would think our number 1 would be a lucky number since it sounds like “won”, or maybe 8 would be lucky if you’re hungry… but I digress.
Whether silly or sensible, lucky numbers and unlucky numbers have been around a long time — and I don’t see that trend changing anytime soon. Afterall, if we didn’t have “lucky” numbers, how would we choose our lottery numbers? The folks who type on those tiny strips of paper inside fortune cookies would have to put something else on the reverse side. If we didn’t have “unlucky” numbers, who would we blame when Friday the 13th rolls around and it turns out to be a bad hair day? And it can’t be MY fault when I lose a bingo game after the lady next to me wins on G-55.
Dang G-55! I was set, too.
I’ve never heard of her before, but according to Wikipedia, Sally Eilers was an American actress whose film career spanned from 1927 – 1935.
Maybe if she had used something besides “toilet soap” as the focal point of her beauty regimen, she would have been more popular.
I suppose Pears Soap was trying to illustrate the well-known phrase “throwing the baby out with the bathwater”. But, does this ad entice you to buy Pears Soap?
I’m getting more of a Pears-Killer-Soap-on-the-Loose vibe from this:
“Help me, Mommy! Why did you buy Pears’ Soap? Why??!!”
Just for the record, I have used LYSOL® for myriad of cleaning/disinfecting duties. I find it to be a most excellent product, and have never been disappointed with its effectiveness.
However, I would never, ever, never, ever, never, ever, never, ever use it for what this ad is promoting. No way, no how, not in a gazillion years.
Seriously. I mop my bathroom tiles with this stuff. Who wants to smell like a mop?
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