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Archive for the ‘boots’ Category

Is that a Corn Pop on your couch, or are you just happy to see me?


I’m gonna be rich!

Del Monte take note.

I’ve always had dogs in my life.  From the time I was born, until today, I’ve never been without a canine companion.  I’ve watched them; I’ve learned from them.  I know what they like and what they don’t like. I therefore consider myself an expert on canine behavior and preferences.

While browsing through the virtual endless selections of dog food at my local supermarket, I became discouraged.  Sure, “Brand X” has all the nutrients that are good for my dogs, but I know they won’t eat “Brand X”.  “Brand Z” was developed using some scientific garbage, and since my dogs aren’t scientists, they don’t care.  So, I thought to myself… what are the things MY dogs have always enjoyed eating?

Then it came to me – I knew the answer!  Actually, I’ve always known the answer… or at least since I was six years old.

I present to you – the dog food every canine wants:

Kibbles ‘n Bits ‘n Barbie Shoes!













(Patent Pending)

Citation Needed. Seriously?



Top 10 Lost Causes

In no particular order:

10. Oatmeal for Thanksgiving Dinner.

9.  Teaching the world to sing in perfect harmony.

8.  Save the Mosquitos! Campaign.

7.  Bringing back public flogging.

6.  Dessert recipes featuring SPAM®.

5.  The Man Purse.

4.  Inflatable Dartboards.

3.  The Secret.

2.  Lawn Jockeys.

1.  Family Reunions.



“Just say no”

So the AP is reporting that “Cocaine contributed to Billy Mays’ death”…

It turns out that the medical examiner “concluded that cocaine use caused or contributed to the development of his heart disease, and thereby contributed to his death”.

Which makes his passing doubly sad, or at least it does for me.  As I’ve said before, I love infomercials.  And while Billy Mays’ were pretty much limited to 60-second commercial spots, he managed to get a lot of information and enthusiasm into his sales pitch.

Still… he was an icon.  There will never be a pitchman that will quite live up to his boisterous energy (and I don’t care if it was “induced” or not).

From Orange Glo to OxiClean to Mighty Putty… I’ll still remember him fondly.

- boots, the infomericalaholic



♪♫ I don’t wanna grow up…♪♫

I’m a sucker for infomercials. Sure, I know a lot of that stuff they sell is crap, but they’re just so EXCITED! about the product. I don’t buy most of it, but once in a while, I fall victim to their sales pitch. The ShamWow guy does nothing for me. I know I’ll miss Billy Mays, but for now I still see him everyday hawking some miracle product…

About a month ago, I’m watching Cathy Mitchell sell that Redi-Set-Go contraption in a 15-minute spot.


How can you not trust a woman that looks like your favorite Aunt?  I was resisting pretty well, until she got to the part where you can make little tiny pizzas.

OMG. Little. tiny. pizzas…


Flashback to the early 70s.  I am begging my mother for an Easy Bake oven.


My mother, being the practical woman that she was, decided that baking “dessert for one” — using the power of an ordinary light bulb — was a waste of resources. Her solution was to hand me a box of Betty Crocker cake mix and a big ol’ cake pan. Under her supervision, I baked my first cake. I was certainly proud of it… but it didn’t satisfy my desire for baking tiny cakes in a tiny oven.

Sadly, I was never the proud owner of an Easy Bake oven.  I never made tiny cakes, cupcakes or cookies.  I never opened my own “Little Princess Bakery”.  In time, I grew older and let those memories fade into the past.  That is, until Aunt Cathy and her Redi-Set-Go thingy appeared on one of my rarely-viewed cable channels at 3:15 in the morning.  Aunt Cathy knew me.  She channeled my childhood memories and hooked me… reeling me in was a piece of cake pizza.

I sat there in my jammies, my eyes glued to the TV, watching her make all sorts of tiny goodies.  There were bite-sized cinnamon rolls, little eggs with a tater tot cooked inside, tiny cakes, pigs-in-blankets, burritos for one, appetizers for a crowd of 2, and of course — little, tiny pizzas!  It was shiny!  It was bright red!  It was easy to use, and it was going to be mine!  All mine — because  I am no longer 10 years old, I don’t have to wait for “Santa” to bring me one, and (most importantly) I have a CREDIT CARD!!!

My Redi-Set-Go dohicky arrived yesterday.  I have my grocery list ready, and soon — SOON! — I’ll be making little tiny pizzas.  Weeeeee!

Things I didn’t realize I would miss until they were gone.



These were so handy to use as coasters, or to cover your drinking glass when sitting on the patio (to keep the bugs out).  Sure, it had that little hole in the center, but most of the flying insects we have around here aren’t stealth bombers.  The disc kept them out.

They also came in handy for keeping squirrels away from the bird feeders.  I couple of those CDs hanging right above the feeder was enough to thwart even the most determined squirrel.



tunatwist2I still remember most the jingle:

“I’m Sir Celery! I’m Miss Parsley! We are the Onion Twins! … Tuna Twist makes tuna taste fresh as a garden.”

Tuna Twist was a little packet of dehydrated veggies with some sort of seasoning. You would add a bit of hot water to the mix and let it sit for a few minutes, then add it to your tuna and mayo.  One of their tag lines was something like “It turns 4 ordinary tuna sandwiches into 6 tasty ones”.  It came in a Garden Vegetable variety, Onion variety, and as memory serves, a cheesy variety.  This was the best thing since Tang and Space Food Sticks.  I wonder why they took it off the market?  Someone needs to contact Nabisco and have them resurrect this culinary marvel.

Side note:  You gotta love that far-out 70s font on the box.  Groovy!




Yes, hiccups.  They’re a right pain in the neck (pun intended) when you have them, but am I the only person that doesn’t purposefully try to hiccup once they’re gone?

It seems like there are as many cures for hiccups as there are grandmothers.  The scare-tactic never worked for me, nor did the laughing technique.  I’ve had people advise me to burp, fart, pee, run, hold my tongue, rub my eyes, pinch myself and stand on my head.  You know, you finally come to the realization that *some people* are simply using you to entertain themselves.

About the only “cures” that have worked for me were A) drinking a full 8oz of water as slowly as possible without stopping -or- B) placing a spoonful of sugar on my tongue and letting it dissolve slowly.

So that’s my advice.  However, if you want to spin in a circle until you fall to the ground in an attempt to cure yourself of hiccups, be my guest… and send in the video link, please.




I’m proud to be a mstie.

It’s the one TV show I miss the most.  Oh, I know there is RiffTrax and Cinematic Titanic, but I want the old shows back.  I can’t find them anywhere.  They were on the SciFi Channel after leaving Comedy Central, but now they seem to only exist in multi-episode DVDs.

I long for another Turkey Day Marathon.

Thanksgiving is less than 4 months away.  Surely someone can make this happen.

Turkey Day Marathon ‘09!!!


NOAA Weather (Local Cable)

noaaNOAA Weather used to have a place on our local access cable TV channel lineup.  It was a simple concept: rotating radar images of the US, our state, our county, our city and weekly forecasts.  There was no sharply-dressed meteorologist, no Action Weather Team, and no commercials.  It was simply THE WEATHER.  Served up quick and dirty.

The only “personalities” were the voices coming from NOAA Weather Radio, The Voice of the National Weather Service.  We didn’t know their names, we had no idea if they were sitting at a desk or recording from the bathroom… and we didn’t care.  When you were in a hurry, and wanted to see a radar map — BAM! — there it was.

I have no ill-regard for the Weather Channel and their “Local on the 8s”, but in this fast-paced world, sometimes 8 minutes seems like a long time.

Especially if you live in Tornado Alley.

Ya want kittehs?!

Just for you, bunny: